Amidst the crevices and folds of this mystic nature that surrounds us lies the deepest solace that solitude can offer.

Delhi, India
March 2017

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Of Dawns and Dusks

Alone I traveled on the cobbled streets, twisting and turning like a maze, lined with a canopy of green trees, soundless, still, with a faint rumbling of engines from vehicles, forgotten in the quietness, with the sun more than often peeping in from the car windows and illuminating the interiors. The equanimity of the vicinity was breathtaking and I glided on and on, smoothly, as if at the end of the world. In those moments, my mind reeled back to the most recent memory- of watching you leave, go away, in the company of those you love, carefree, with a smile on your visage that never failed to win my heart. In those moments, letting you go didn’t feel hard. Reminiscing all the moments in the past when I had felt or imagined that happening, I had cried my eyes out, or had been transfixed in my stance, unable to imagine what would life be without your presence. But in that moment, I didn’t react. Letting you go wasn’t hard anymore, or so I thought, until I found myself watching your diminishing outline, longing for a glance when it went out of sight. Watching you gave me pleasure, but it was long after I realised; in your absence, I missed you. I missed you so much that my bones ached. I missed you through my nights and through my days. Your sight slowed down the clocks, and your memory transformed reality into oblivion. I remembered all the times you had waved me goodbye and all the times you had smiled, unaware of my presence. Your smile did light up my day. But I was disappointed that I couldn’t be the reason or the cause behind it. I was just a witness, who painted her dreams with your smile, distant from the moments in which you lived everyday. Distance was painful. Not being a part of your world was disturbing. Yet, it was bliss like no other. It was the space where I could be with you as you are and as I am, without prejudices and obligations. It was the space where I could create the moments I wanted to live with you. And yet, I craved to see you, even for a fleeting second, because in your absence, I missed you. 

And I figured, maybe I always would. 

Our friendship was like that peeping sun in the sky. It had its dawns and dusks. And probably ‘we’ had no control over it.

The sun edged closer to the end of the world, indicating the time of dusk. And you still lingered in my memory; close to the end of the road that lead you away from me. I was only a witness; I could only watch in silence. 

I didn’t know, the sun setting with a goodbye in this moment, was the cue to a new sunrise somewhere else. 

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How the world finds you is a matter of their perception.
How you build and portray yourself is entirely your game.

Isolated Spark

You’re a spark. A spark has the potential to engulf its vicinity into its wildfire. However, when a spark is isolated from its open vicinity, it extinguishes without it.

You are a spark. You can take people in a wave of awe just by being yourself- being who you are and doing what you do. But without those people, you will not be the same. You can not display your skills and talent without an audience. It does seem absurd I know, but as I mentioned, a spark needs air to burn. It is understandable that people around us become intolerable at times and mess with our head-space  and a social recluse, even if momentary, seems like a good solution to peace. After all, too much air does terminate the flame. But it does not work for long. A spark does require air to burn. You can never stop being you and in the absence of those who can watch you, experience your influence and feel your impact, it gets worse and you start rusting. There are only so many lives that an isolated spark can illuminate. And if a spark can not ignite fire, then it is not of much use, is it?

You’re a spark. The best way to keep your spark-yourself alive therefore, it to find your sanctuary of silence, but remain alive beyond it too. Live in the air, don’t drown in it. You don’t have to say no to something; but your should not say yes to everything. There lies the secret to keep an isolated spark alive!

Rewind

Take me back to the days 

When I woke up to a sunny haze 

When I was a child, not more than three feet tall  

When I could frolic around the house

And demand chips from random shops 

When I would go to sleep at nine 

Between Mumma and Papa, I would fit just fine 

Take me back to the days 

When time was meant to play, and not to manage 

When television meant Dora and Chhota Bheem, not the censored sitcoms and news channels that I have grown up to see

When the biggest concern was the mango stain on my favourite top, and not the one in blood on my shorts

When sun went to sleep and the moon followed my car home 

When innocence earned smiles, not remarks like, “You’re not a child anymore!” 

Why? Why did expressing become a sin?

When did taboos started tailing my thoughts?

Why can’t I hop on the roads and jump into puddles without a second thought?

When, while learning poise and elegance and keeping up with my socially acceptable mask, did my childhood get lost??

And everyday, aren’t all of us ignoring things that we would rather do?

Caught up worrying about projects and bills, and our long list of to-dos?

How many of us have already suffocated the child inside us to death?

How scared have we become to just be our true self?? 

Would you rather live being an acceptable adult and die having not lived fully at all??

Think about it. 

Performance video at Delhi Poetry Slam’s Open Mic Saturday

“I have learnt to not push things to happen. If something is meant to happen, it will happen, at the right time with the right person.
That is what they call destiny. It is the universe conspiring to get you the best.”

“Let’s sit in silence and watch the days melt and time flow past us; in this world, eternity is our last destination. “

Awake

It is this restless sleep that keeps us awake 

In two beds, two homes, two cities, two ways

A tiredness that can’t put us to sleep 

An anxiety that makes the heart weep 

Two ways, two fates, two paths to tread 

Leading somewhere we don’t know

For now we take the first steps, but these hands refuse to let go 

Two paths to tread, two worlds, two friends 

And one thread that ties together their lives 

Through changing winds and days anew 

Different; but still true.

As life transcends, it still amends 

But love it is can not break 

In this silence, with our walls down, 

Unmasked, undue, unending between us 

Something… unfound. 

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