Of Dawns and Dusks

Alone I traveled on the cobbled streets, twisting and turning like a maze, lined with a canopy of green trees, soundless, still, with a faint rumbling of engines from vehicles, forgotten in the quietness, with the sun more than often peeping in from the car windows and illuminating the interiors. The equanimity of the vicinity was breathtaking and I glided on and on, smoothly, as if at the end of the world. In those moments, my mind reeled back to the most recent memory- of watching you leave, go away, in the company of those you love, carefree, with a smile on your visage that never failed to win my heart. In those moments, letting you go didn’t feel hard. Reminiscing all the moments in the past when I had felt or imagined that happening, I had cried my eyes out, or had been transfixed in my stance, unable to imagine what would life be without your presence. But in that moment, I didn’t react. Letting you go wasn’t hard anymore, or so I thought, until I found myself watching your diminishing outline, longing for a glance when it went out of sight. Watching you gave me pleasure, but it was long after I realised; in your absence, I missed you. I missed you so much that my bones ached. I missed you through my nights and through my days. Your sight slowed down the clocks, and your memory transformed reality into oblivion. I remembered all the times you had waved me goodbye and all the times you had smiled, unaware of my presence. Your smile did light up my day. But I was disappointed that I couldn’t be the reason or the cause behind it. I was just a witness, who painted her dreams with your smile, distant from the moments in which you lived everyday. Distance was painful. Not being a part of your world was disturbing. Yet, it was bliss like no other. It was the space where I could be with you as you are and as I am, without prejudices and obligations. It was the space where I could create the moments I wanted to live with you. And yet, I craved to see you, even for a fleeting second, because in your absence, I missed you. 

And I figured, maybe I always would. 

Our friendship was like that peeping sun in the sky. It had its dawns and dusks. And probably ‘we’ had no control over it.

The sun edged closer to the end of the world, indicating the time of dusk. And you still lingered in my memory; close to the end of the road that lead you away from me. I was only a witness; I could only watch in silence. 

I didn’t know, the sun setting with a goodbye in this moment, was the cue to a new sunrise somewhere else. 

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